Kilts and Gowns

The Here and Now:

People in my mind

Places in my head

So little time

Yet so much to be had

Present and future.

What I'm Doing: Thinking. Remembering. Glorifying in moments of nostalgia.

212:

Countdown: 1 day. 24 hours. 1,440 minutes. 86,400 seconds.

This has been an exciting last week.

City Year took the entire corps to Dorney Park, where we advanced a campaign on water slides, wave pools, and roller coasters. We put on a giant field day, playing every game imaginable from dizzy-bat bowling to relay races to tug-o-war. I’ve spent precious time with the people I’ve grown to know best- enjoying every second I have left to spend with them and learn from them.

I’m sore from tug-o-war- possibly still dizzy from dizzy-bat bowling. My emotions stand like deer in the headlights as the world I’ve lived in for the past year closes up shop around me. I don’t really know what to think at the moment, but I’m following the motions. Trained to repeat actions through muscle memory. Just waiting… waiting for the season finale to begin.

“I’m living life right now

and this is what I’m do ‘til it’s over

‘til it’s over, but it’s far from over.”

~ Drake

“It ain’t over ‘til it’s over.”

~ Yogi Bera

Well Yogi, City Year is almost over. But Drake is right- my life has a long, long way to go.

Tomorrow is the final day of City Year.

What's going through my head? I'm not sure. My brain feels like an entanglement of thoughts- a twisted disorder of senses, emotions, and physical pangs.

I do recognize one thing, though, and that is my pride.

When I graduated from Gilbert High School in May 2009 there was no sense of accomplishment exploding from within me. No sense of dreams fulfilled. No known privilege. Instead, I just sat in a white chair on my school's football field with 750 other people, during one of the few rainy days in Arizona. I was there- nothing really more.

I believe I felt like this because high school proposed no real challenges for me. Sure some classes held their own difficulties, but overall it was a breeze for me. I enjoyed it, but really I felt like I was already past graduation. Already done, finished. So in return I didn’t carry any feeling of entitlement.

Now I'm graduating from City Year, from Philadelphia. In contrast to my high school graduation, I feel an infinite sense of privilege in my bones. My mind is filled with memories of students, failures, friends and successes. I have emotionally drawn roots into my world here, and I a burden of distance between my friends and family rests on my shoulders. I am sad to leave people behind. Friends and students I have come to treat as brothers, sisters, cousins, nephews. There are people here I consider family- and I may never see them again. But although I recognize my sadness, I feel an enormous sense of euphoria as well. So many amazing times and adventures that at the moment I am resting in the soft embrace of the clouds.

Tomorrow I won't be wearing a cap and gown. I won't be sitting in the middle of 750 people on a rainy day at my school's football field. I'll be wearing my red jacket, my stiff, Aramark khaki pants, my yellowed, worn white t-shirt. I'll be having blast, enjoying the last day I spend with the entire corps.

Shout out:

My man, my teammate Law is speaking at our ceremony. I’m sure he will be excellent. And I know that he is insane and will be reading this late tonight instead of sleeping. Good luck Law. You know you’ll slay all of us in the crowd with your wild humor. As for the rest of my team- much love to you all.

I'll be back in Arizona on the 23rd of June. It almost feels like yesterday I flew into the humidity of Philadelphia in August, 2009. Tomorrow I’ll be walking across a stage to receive a certificate for a second time. In seven days I’ll be inside a giant bird on my way home. Kilts and gowns. Celebrations. That’s what the near-future holds.

Next week will be an intensive evaluation and reflection of my entire experience in City Year. Make sure to check it out, it will be a long post.

-TWO-12